It's nearing General Conference again, school is keeping me stressed, and busy, and I've taken on more responsibility at church...jumped into more children's ministry.
In the midst of all of this, God is speaking to me. Not just keeping on the right track speaking, but actually revealing things about my future. I feel Him drawing me nearer each day.
I am happy, but not content, focused but not patient and I think for most people, I am pretty annoying=)
Truth is, I am trying to be patient, I am. Every where I turn there is another reminder that I am not made to be here in the states...that my future is for Africa. Every time I look into the eyes of our bus kids, I see Africa. Everytime I hug one of my girls, I feel Africa. Everytime I struggle through my Anatomy class I am reminded, it's all for Africa, each time I read the reaching Africa's children blog, my heart breaks a little more. This is all just preparation for what's coming. For just a moment, I am okay again....I can do this, I can push on.
I was just talking today to my Aunt Lyn who is also struggling with this, only her heartbeat is Eastern Europe/Russia. I was thinking out loud really, but it dawned on me that I am surrounded by a group of friends who are missionaries, or have been missionaries, or who are preparing to be missionaries and they whole heartedly understand what I am going through. Some missionaries struggle with these feelings alone. They don't have the support group that I have.
Truly I am blessed. So I'll be patient, as best as I can, and I'll trust God because one day, I'll go back, and one day, it'll be right, and one day........these feelings will all seem like they are miles away.
In the midst of all of this, God is speaking to me. Not just keeping on the right track speaking, but actually revealing things about my future. I feel Him drawing me nearer each day.
I am happy, but not content, focused but not patient and I think for most people, I am pretty annoying=)
Truth is, I am trying to be patient, I am. Every where I turn there is another reminder that I am not made to be here in the states...that my future is for Africa. Every time I look into the eyes of our bus kids, I see Africa. Everytime I hug one of my girls, I feel Africa. Everytime I struggle through my Anatomy class I am reminded, it's all for Africa, each time I read the reaching Africa's children blog, my heart breaks a little more. This is all just preparation for what's coming. For just a moment, I am okay again....I can do this, I can push on.
I was just talking today to my Aunt Lyn who is also struggling with this, only her heartbeat is Eastern Europe/Russia. I was thinking out loud really, but it dawned on me that I am surrounded by a group of friends who are missionaries, or have been missionaries, or who are preparing to be missionaries and they whole heartedly understand what I am going through. Some missionaries struggle with these feelings alone. They don't have the support group that I have.
Truly I am blessed. So I'll be patient, as best as I can, and I'll trust God because one day, I'll go back, and one day, it'll be right, and one day........these feelings will all seem like they are miles away.
2 comments:
Oh girl. I feel for you. At Least you know the land of your calling- and know that HE is equipping you to be there- but that still does not take away from the frustration of wanting to be "Home". I pray he lets your time go by quickly!!
Love ya-
CMN
Knowing that you are currently in God's will makes all the difference, even when you want to be elsewhere. While you are waiting get the training you need so that when you go you will be able to do ALL that God wants and has in store for you. (yes preaching to myself too) =0)
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