slowing down, well sort of

Okay, so made it through a long business trip, Summons to Sacrifice (which was amazing BTW) and now getting ready for VBS. Teaching more, learning more, and gaining more confidence. I got to put a book together with my best friend. A curriculum we both got together and created (and also tested on the Summons kids). It was awesome! Who gets to write a book with their best friend, really?

Vacation to Orlando in July is drawing nearer and nearer, almost time to begin my countdown. For now I am just going to rest. I can't begin to understand God and all his marvelous ways. So instead, I will just trust Him and go through whatever He deems necessary to make me who He would have me to be.

There ya go! My rambles for now!

Life Lessons

I am learning new lessons everyday as time goes on. I am learning that words hurt, but sometimes it makes you make decisions that in the long run, change your life entirely. I am learning that the number of friends I have doesn't matter, but the quality of the ones I have matters exponentially. I am learning that it is "ok" to be nervous, but not okay to give up because of it. God doesn't call the qualified, they wouldn't depend on Him anyway.

I've taken a lot of trips lately. I am loving life! I think for the first time in a long time I can say, "I love myself" It took me years to get to this point, but I think I can finally say that. My best friend told me "you have to love yourself before you can truly love others" I didn't get that until now. I had to get to a point where I didn't hate what I was or the things that had happened. I had to get to a point where it didn't define me, but made me stronger. (aren't best friends great? Not the BFF's you had in highschool, but the lifelong Best friends that bring your missing pieces back?)

So I am traveling, teaching, walking through any door He opens and letting the wind hit my face. Knowing, I am Not qualified, but He is going to be there if I fall.....I can do all things......

Getting behind

So I was checking out a friend's blog and realized, I haven't updated my blog in a few months. Sometimes I am really faithful to it and other times, I am just not. Since my last blog, I have been traveling some. I have moved, and absolutely love my new place. My walls are covered in swirlies and I love it! I have a new and finally permanent family. It's getting down to crunch time. Lisa (the mom) just began having braxton hicks so it is only a matter of time before the new little one is here. Then life will get pretty hectic. A newborn and a 3 year old...got a video camra? You can come watch me pull my hair out if you want. =) No really I am excited! Sort of.

Christmas is like 6 ish weeks away. My shopping has been done for several weeks. Got an early start this year. Wanted to not have to worry in the end.

Life is very strange lately. sunday school has stayed the same. Shekinah kids is changing, it is mostly just Lyn and I now. Kids prayer has just been Lyn and I for awhile, since before summer actually. Trying to help come up with lessons for Prayer Summit in January.

I can't really think of anymore to update on now. Life is just a nice routine for now. That won't stay that way I am sure. Something always seems to happen to shake it up a little as much as I try to fight it.

This is why we do it....

I love my kids. I have helped out in Shekinah Kids and Kids Prayer at my church for almost 4 years. I became a teacher 2 years ago when I came home from Africa knowing I would be taking Kids Prayer back someday. I love it!

Yes, its is trying sometimes, and has really caused me to step out of my comfort zone on plenty of occasions. Believe me though, there is nothing like those moments when you see kids pray, really pray, that just confirm in your heart that, "this is why we do what we do".

I had a parent come up to me and tell me her little girl Kohana had been looking for me Sunday night because I take the kids to pray before service and she loves it. I was on vacation. It made my heart smile to hear that.

Every hug, every "goodbye sister Amberle" just makes my heart explode. I look forward to seeing their smiling faces every Monday and Wednesday. I can't wait to see the day when they are all filled with the Holy Ghost...we are getting there!!!!

Here are some pictures from our Prayer obstacle course Monday night. The kids had to start by drawing a praise action out of a bucket (jumping, running ect..) then the next station they had to do the motions to whichever kids worship song was playing when they got there. Then, they had to got to the next station and hula hoop while saying 5 things they were thankful for, (we ran through 2 times so the second time they had to say 5 names of peole they would pray for this week). The last station had the draw a letter out of a bucket and write 3 words that began with that letter that were adoration to God.

They absolutely loved it! I could not stop laughing! I seriously love Children's Ministry.

Change

So I am deciding that not all change is bad. I've always been the type of person that really flips out when things change. I like my routine, and I like stability. I always knew I would have to get over that to be a missionary.

My life has been a little up in the air lately. Somethings are changing with ministries I am involved with at church and for me, I am aggravated and feel like I am being pushed away from something I have a real burden for. It's God, I know. He's molding me and making me something better than I am, but sometimes I just don't understand the direction I must go to get to that.

On a good note, if not somewhat scary: I am moving. I am moving into my best friends house. Been painting my room, packing up, slowly putting things in my new room. It's a season of change for me. Sometimes you just have to make that jump and know that no matter what, you will be caught. You may be very near crashing when you are, but you will always be caught.


He always has you, just where He needs you to be. Things are not nearly as bad as we perceive them to be.

The week of change

This past week I went to Alexandria to the Louisianna district Kids Kamp. I expected to go down as a counselor, and instead was thrown into leadership and speaking opportunities I never imagined possible. The night we got there I was put in charge of Crafts, and asked to lead in the prayer meeting the following night. "give your testimony and I want you to get a revelation of God's love for the SALT team" Say what?? so after MUCH prayer, and to be honest..a near panic attack, I finally asked what Bro. Alan wanted me to say, what was it he thought they needed to hear. He read my mail....I've never met this man until now, but he said, "your life has not been easy. You've had some hard knocks, be honest, share your hurts, show how God brought you from there to where you are, and how God can use that"

For those of you that REALLY know me....my mind was a million different places. (and can probably imagine the look on my face) How much do I tell? What is necessary, and why oh why does God think I am strong enough, or far enough in my healing to do something like this?

So I stressed and prayed and finally when it came time for me to talk with the group, I let it all out. I won't do that here, but God has a way of helping you heal as you use your testimony to heal others. We had a prayer line and after I went throuh it two people prophesied over my life. then a girl in my group came up sobbing, we share a similar hurt in life and she asked me to pray. It all made sense. Yes it was hard, and yes I had to bare my soul, but it helped her. She wasn't alone to suffer.....Thank you God!! (He knew I would need to see what would come out of this sooner rather than later)

The rest of the week was a blur....worship services were amazing!! I've never sweat so much!! The kids were great!! I got so attached to my small group. Savannah one of my little ones told me she wanted to be like me when she grew up. I helped lead in the prayer services and taught a lesson on Thursday morning.....it is amazing how God just took the fear away. All that stage fright I had...was gone in an instant. Monday night I had to give my testimony again, but it was much tamer, since I was speaking to kids, but as I stepped off the platform a swarm of kids hugged me.

I had prophesy after prophesy spoken over my life...there are too many to count, but I wrote them all down. Some were a little scary, some very exciting....some down right confusing.

God is so good to me, I just really don't know where to go from here.....apparently I am just supposed to keep learning..and working in this new found ministry.

More to come.......stay tuned.

Craziness, Randomness, and Fun

I had the pleasure this weekend of going to Chicago with my best friend. Let's just say, it was eventful to say the very least. 

SOOOOO, we leave St. Louis at about 4ish....get about 10 minutes away before realizing we have forgotten allergy medicine and Lyn's phone charger.  Turn around, by 4:30 we are back on the road. We stop at quicktrip for hotdogs, caffeine, and gas and then we are off.  We had the windows down, radio blaring, laughing hysterically. We passed a ton of signs that looked like cities in states nowhere near where we needed to be. (El Paso, altlanta, Towanda)

So at about 9 or so we get to Joliet, our home about 45 minutes from the city. We check into our motel and get to our room to find that it had been a smoking room, we are in the ghetto, and the room is just horrible. I'm not a baby, but this room was really bad. Trying to make the best of it, I decided to turn the air on thinking maybe it would help...and the air conditioner sparks, burning the carpet, and shocks the daylights out of me, knocking me on my backside. 

At this point Lyn is grabbing a phone book only to find someone has torn the hotel pages out of the yellow pages. We use the internet on her phone to find the nearest Hampton Inn an exit away and make our way there instead.  It ended up good in the end, our room there was amazing!! There was even a rubber duckie (which we named duckie) on the bathtub.

So after talking awhile, grabbing food, and soaking our feet in the hot tub, we settled in for the night.

Day one in Chicago was a blast!! We got up early, drove in, and parked at the end of the redline el station. We took the el into Theatre district and walked. We came across a parade, which was just beginning, went to the Art Museum, and took pictures with a bull. All the while Lyn is reminding me we need to be back in the Theatre district at 1:30 to try and get tickets to a matinee, there are several shows playing. Whilst standing there she informs me she needs to grab something she wrote down out of the bookbag on my back. Out she pulls tickets to the 2pm showing of Mary Poppins, my all time favorite movie, that has come to broadway. 

So I was in my happy place. Our night was finished by an eventful ride back to the El station to get my car. Wrigley and Soldier Fields had just let out and we had all the crazies on our rail. We went and got a great pizza, went back to the hotel, and talked for awhile. 

Day two included the Pier..which cost us 24 dollars to park, a huge ferris wheel, pirates, funnel cakes, Ducks eating said funnel cake, a chicago style hot dog, the stained glass Museum, and lots of pictures, before driving home.

It was a weekend of so much laughing my stomach is still sore, no stress, no phone, no internet, LOTS of walking, and first time experiences. I had the time of my life. I am so very blessed to have a best friend to be able to do things like this with.

Being sociable is overrated......

I attended a friend's son's graduation party today. From the moment I walked in the door I was talking about Africa. (My friend introduced me by telling everyone I had a burden for bringing Kids Prayer for Africa). For those of you who know me, you know that being sociable is not my idea of a good time. I find it hard to make small talk, and am painfully shy. I am getting better.....it used to be much worse. 

A man from my church (very sweet and can always make me laugh) got my attention and I talked with him a while. He told me he felt in his spirit to tell me that there was so much potential in me to be a people person, it just wasn't developed. That sometimes I guard myself because of hard knocks in my life. (what was strange about this, is that he knows nothing about where I come from, he's only known me since being in church, and I've never shared anything with him) He said that I have the ability to talk in a way that I draw people in, and that as my ability developes I will be able to use that in the field. 

So as tears welled up and he essentially "read my mail", I started thinking. I didn't have much time to dwell on that as another friend began to drill me about Africa. Don't get me wrong, I will still talk to anyone who will listen about Africa. I enjoyed myself, but when it was over, the reality hit me, I am still here. I want to be there. I know in my heart of hearts, this is where God wants me for now. That does not make the waiting any easier. 

Part of me wonders, will I ever finish nursing school, will I ever get to hold another African baby, will I ever get to dance to the offering plate again? I am called, so I know if I do what HE wants, I will most certainly be there again one day. I'm telling you though, I am not doing so well with the waiting.

Today, I feel like a failure, I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I am not getting anywhere and I am not making a difference. I know in my heart, that all of that is a lie. 

So now, I am going to find a place to get quiet and probably cry, and pray.........because I know this will pass. My God never fails, so I know He isn't going to start now.

Happy Mother's Day

In respects to most people, I have much more to be thankful for on this particular day. You see, I am adopted. Not only am I adopted, but I was adopted as a teenager. 

Let me start by saying, I was not an easy case. I was not serving God....I was a bus kid from a very broken, abusive home, and instead of running as far away from me as she could, this person held on tight and eventually became the momma I needed.

My momma is patient, kind, nurturing, wise, beautiful, and the most Godly woman I know. She was strict when I was younger, and helped give me boundaries when I wanted them least, but needed them most. She dealt with backlash, mistrust, and plain out hurtful words. I'm sure there were plenty of tears, and hurt on her part, but she remained. She held on tight with one hand on mine, and one hand on God's until I was strong enough to hold onto Him myself. 

She was the first person to tell me I'd was called to Africa (confirmation in my heart because I already knew) She was there the day I boarded the plane to go there for the first time. She was, is, and will remain my biggest supporter, my biggest fan. She makes me feel like I can do anything if I set my heart to it. 

So, even though it is a day late, I wanted to say how amazing Mother's Day really is for me. It's the day to celebrate the woman God has put in my life to be my momma. She chose me, even though she didn't have to, and she held on. In service yesterday one of the speakers said "Some of us don't have families in the church or at all for one reason or another, but God always knows, and supplies us with those to fill in that gap and usually they are closer to us than any blood relative could be"

I can attest to this first hand.

Just when the camel can't take another straw.....

"The Rescue" was intense. We were finally rescued after almost 24 hours. Chicago is still waiting. It's almost a week for them. We met at the courtyard outside the Edward Jones dome downtown. They put us into groups of 10 to 15 people, then we walked to the archgrounds (our army camp), through Keiner Plaza, holding onto a rope. The rope was to symbolize that the child soldiers are bound together. It was a chilling feeling to be honest. It's different when you are placed in a situation to kind of get a feel for what it must be like.....though our day was nothing like that of a child soldier. After we got to the arch we spent the day on the steps writing letters to congressmen, senators, the president, anyone we could think of trying to raise awareness and support for these children. As it got dark and 11pm rolled around, we walked to a concrete area across the street and laid out our mats to settle in for the night. I left at Midnight, a little later. I had been sick for a few weeks and that did me in. Let me tell you though, to lay out my mat and to be that upclose and personal with people I don't know (One girls head was on my legs and I was arm to arm with a boy in my group) was more than a little eye opening. This is what those child soldiers do everynight, this is what unabducted kids do to keep from being abducted.


So I look back over things in my life and I am starting to see a real change. I am stronger, and less insecure (though I definately have my moments). I am stepping into ministries I never thought I'd be involved in. It's only natural that I would face opposition. So while this week has been trying and I feel like I am breaking, maybe it isn't so bad to be broken. Isn't that what God really wants anyway? When we are broken, we are dependant on Him. Maybe that's been my problem. Maybe I have been trying to do so much for HIM, but not really taking the time I need to just "be" with HIM. I am losing my time with Him, and I really have decided,I don't like that.

Natalie Grant has a new song on the radio that I just love:
There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are
Broken and scarred
Lift up your heart
And be amazed, be changed
By a perfect God!!

So this week is only a test...its a time of reflection, and a time of breaking that maybe I have needed. The tears won't last forever, the pain will fade, and I will overcome. (Now if only my heart believed my logic.)

If you go to http://www.invisiblechildren.com/ you can view pics, and there are also some on my facebook page. The Website also has all the updates.....it also has ways to get involved.

Just one of those days

I have just decided that no matter what I do, someone is not going to be happy. I spend a lot of my time trying my best to make everyone around me happy. Problem is, I am miserable. I teach sunday School, Shekinah Kids, Kidsprayer, GLOW, work 50 hours a week,go to school 10 hours a week, then there is homework, and I am trying to write an article for ninety and nine, and you know, I am exhausted. In the midst of all of this,there are those who still find the need to tell me what I am not measuring up to. Why is that? Why is it that we can't live our lives based on God. I think that what I am doing is pleasing to HIM. What I do in my free time (however small that is)is also pleasing to HIM. I would never dream of doing anything that I thought would make HIM angry, or sad. I just want to please HIm. I want to fufill HIS purpose for my life. I thinkmaybewehavemissedthepoint. Sometimes we look to closely at other people's lives and fail to see our own lives.

So, I am going to pick myself up, dust off my knees, and move forward regaurdless of what anyone thinks, because in reality, what HE thinks is all that matters.

Alright already!

So, I've been told I need to blog again!! Hmmm, ever just go through a spell where there is nothing to say? I've always been told that's the best time not to talk, cause you tend to say things you shouldn't. (Especially me).

So what's new? Nothing really. I am gearing up for the summer. Next weekend I am going to the Rescue. You can go to http://www.invisiblechildren.com/ to read up on it,but in a nut shell....in 90 cities all over the world people are meeting at an "abduction" point. From there we will walk up to 3 miles to our next point of contact and wait to be "rescued". It is to symbolize the journey thousands of children in Africa take each day to sleep under hospitals and in verandas to keep from being abducted by the LRA (Rebel army) and being forced to fight in a war, that is older than they are. It's even older than some of their parents.

I'm a little nervous. I am also very excited! This is the chance to make a difference in a cause very closeto my heart. Go to the site,check it out, are you brave enough to do something?

He's still workin on me

Okay, yes, I realize it has been a long time since I blogged, but really, I just can't seem to find the words to say. At the beginning of January we had Dr. Geffers at our Church for the Northeast Missouri Regional Prayer Summit (I think that's what its called, perhaps we should shorten it?)

There are no other words except...WOW! I missed some of the services because I am blessed to work with the kids. That in itself was an experience. I was much more involved than I have been in the past (see prior blog) However, on Sunday God spoke directly to me. I have heard so many in the church say the same thing, but I can't figure out how He could be talking so clearly to me and to all the others at the exact same time. That blows my mind!

All of this didn't just start at Prayer Summit. Something is stirring in my church and I am just sitting in anticipation of what comes next. I sat last night talking to my momma and was frustrated because I couldn't form the words that I wanted to be able to explain what God has been showing me, how He's been transforming me, and healing me of all those hurts that I'd buried and told myself were finished.

God just has a way of gently nudging you and saying, "Hey, you know, maybe you should work on that some more. It's still there." I am learning that more seems to happen in my prayer time when I shut my mouth and just listen. We started a Bible Study at church after our weekly prayer meetings. We have been reading a book called "secrets of the secret place" by Bob Sorge. OMW!! It is life changing!! I was reading a couple of weeks ago and that week's reading talked about how God is waiting for us in our secret place. He's there the minute we have set up that place, be it a closet, our bedroom, wherever, He's there from the moment it becomes a reality. We don't kneel down and wait for Him to show up...He's just there. However, when we don't take the time to show up...we are standing Him up!! He's there, all the time, waiting on us. How mind blowing is that??? I mean really? There are 6.1 Billion People in this world and God is waiting for ME to meet in my secret place with Him? How, if you realize that can you not desire to meet with Him? its unreal.....

Another thing that convicted me, and I am sure I will mess this up, but momma was telling me last night.....a lot of times we think we have to be "disciplined" to pray, to read our Bible, to spend time with Him. Now how would you feel if your kids or best friend or anyone, felt they had to be "diciplined" before they could spend time with you? So I messed up the eloquent way she has with words and exlaining, but that was the gist of it. It convicted me!!! Why do I need discipline to speak with my Father? The Father who is waiting on me to show up and be with Him, the Father who is waiting to wrap His arms around me and soothe away the pain and hurts of my life. The very Father who robed Himself in flesh and came down to die for the sins I so easily committed.

Again...WOW!!! That is the only word I can think of....and its not nearly close to how I am feeling. God is taking us to a new level of communion, a new level of consecration, a new level of relationship with Him. Let's go....He's waiting for us to jump.

Wow!!

Strongholds ready to be broken

Teaching about the Armor of God

Worship "the crazy song"

Okay, this weekend was just amazing!! It has been our North Eastern Regional Prayer Summit. I was blessed to be able to teach again this year. Last year it was a small lesson, but this year God opened the door for me to be really involved. I was so nervous, but God worked it all out. I had a blast with my kids. I really just love the worship songs.......kids ministry is great!!

We learned to pray on our armor, all about our spiritual gifts, rewards from God, and Faith. we also learned that no matter how small we are, we can break down walls and strongholds.

This morning's service was about consecration. Dr. Geffers did an absolutely amazing job, and God really moved!! I couldn't wait until tonight to see what would happend next. Well, I was not disappointed!! God moved from the first minute on. Dr. Geffers preached about friends and foes. You really had to be there, but it was amazing.

After praying at the altar I was sitting just kind of in awe of God, and I heard little voices crying out. I followed the noise and what did I find, but two of my kids 9 years, and I believe the other is 11. They were leaning against a wall trevailing. Times like this make all the rough moments all worthwhile. This is what kids ministry is about, this is why we do it. I sat for over 30 minutes listening to them trevail in the Spirit and can't help but be in awe of the awesomeness of God! He knows all. I am greatful for this amazing weekend.

Recent Updates

I just put my Momma on a plane to Zimbabwe. I am not sure about this for plenty of reasons.

1. It is not exactly safe there right now, however I know God is good and this is His will so things are going to be just fine.

2. I'm supposed to be boarding that plane too. This spring I was also on the speaker list for this conference. Due to all the political turmoil, it just isn't safe or even possible for too many people to go. It's just not possible.

So, I am sitting here and for some crazy reason, I feel like my heart is breaking. Part of me is jealous, but not like you think. I want to be going, sure, but I also know great things are going to happen in this conference and for that I am so grateful.

But I am anxious and it made me think.

Sometimes we get so caught up in everything that is going on around us that we fail to see the big picture. We want everything NOW. We want to know when and where everything in life is going to happen and sometimes, that's just not the way God works. Sometimes, its in the waiting that we learn how to trust in Him.

Lately my world has been turned upside down and I have been finding it hard to trust....again. I have found though that to trust in Him, you'll never be let down. People are going to make mistakes, and sometimes those who you thought would always be there just aren't...but He is always there. He'll always remain and for that we can be truly thankful.

Thankful

Momma and us girls

Momma, Mom Allen, and us girls

Above are the newest family pictures

So its here again...Thanksgiving. Tomorrow will be a blur of action. Cooking, visiting with family, and friends. I thought now would be the best time to stop and reflect on just how blessed I am.

In these uncertain times so many people this year will go hungry...some are sitting in prisons, in foster homes, in orphanages. I am so very thankful for so many things.

1. My God. How can I ever be thankful enough. Without Him, I would never be what I am today.
2. My family. I am adopted into the greatest family ever!! Several years ago, I would have sat at home because I didn't have a family to celebrate with, but now...I am in the most loving, dedicated, beautiful family I could ever have hoped for.
3. My adopted mom, who took me when no one else wanted me. Pain and all, and help push me in the right direction. Who raised a "heathen teenager" that she surely would have been justified in walking away from. But she didn't. As a matter of fact...she loved me even more, and for that I am eternally thankful!!

Hope your Thanksgiving in warm, and full of love...and of course....TURKEY!!!!

New musings

Me and Aunt Lyn before the Foreign Missions Service

me, Aunt lyn, and Matt

Momma, Myra, Kevin, Matt, Me, and Aunt Lyn all waiting for Foreign Missions Service

So its been over three weeks since General Conference and time has all but flown by. Saw a couple of friends from Africa. Matt who I hadn't seen since the trip and Emily who I have seen some. Stirred up some old feelings...brought smiles to a lot of faces. Timo got healed!!! It was the most amazing feeling to watch it cross his face from the platform. Even better to watch him dance with his parents.

Now I am gearing up for the 7 Essentials of Kids Prayer Seminar. Well technically, I am not gearing up. I am "#1 Volunteer" so I am gearing up to do whatever is needed to make the ones in front breathe a little easier. Hey, I love being the one everyone can count on to do anything. Sometimes I wonder if that's all I am going to ever be good at. But, my ministry has always been helps, and if God can trust you with the little things, He'll soon trust you with the big things.

On a less contemplative note, Sister Vicki comes in town tomorrow afternoon!!! I love her!! She's in for the conference, but I am so glad she was able to come.

For now it seems I am at a crossroads: The door is open in Jordan....and I really feel God leading me to learn all I can and spend a term there. On the other side, it seems the door to go with the Simoneaux's is opening sooner than I thought, and that is truly my heartbeat...oh, what to do?

Lord, I know your hand is on my life because I feel it everyday. Sometimes in a word, or the hand of a friend, but regaurdless of how, I know you are there. I am in a bind and I don't know where it is you are leading me, but I want to be in your perfect will. I don't want to step out of the plan you have for me. So please guide my steps now and close the door to where you don't want me to be. Whatever it is, I'll do it, just please be my guiding hand.

God's Mysterious Ways

Last night my world changed. We had the Reed's Missionaries to the Middle East as our speakers at church. I love missionary services regaurdless of where the missionaries are from. I've never doubted God has called me to Africa, and I still don't. However, God opened up a door for me last night I never would have imagined He would.

Something happened to me through service last night. It felt like my very soul was breaking. I have always had a burden for muslims as well as children and orphans....and not too many people knew that. I found myself with tears pouring down my face crying out to God all through service. What on Earth?? I couldn't really figure it out. The Middle East God? Really? Surely you must be mistaken, you've called me to Africa.

"you said you'd go if I opened the door"

So after service I was so confused, didn't have a clue what to do or what to make of it. My Aunt without knowing what had happened asked if I had gone and talked to Sister Reed. That in itself is out of character for her. So I did, and tears were pouring down my face as she told me she knew service was running long because there was a young person being called...that she was waiting for me to come. WOW!!! Then she told me about what I'd be able to do as a woman in a muslim country.

I found my mom, told her what had happened, cried a lot more, and just let her reassure me, without missing a beat she said "Alright, Jordan? I'll buy your ticket" just like that...another confirmation.....my mom was on board. I can always count of her to be intune to God for things in my life. She's never spoken something into my life that didn't come to pass. She kept me from freaking out at that very moment. Believe me, I almost did, it was overwhelming!

So that was my Sunday night. I've updated my AIM status, and changed my appointment to Jordan. Talked with Sister Reed about my options, and spent the evening looking up things on Jordan. Throughout today I still find my self thinking.....the Middle East?? Really God, are you sure? HE has to know what He's doing though, so again, I'm going to jump.

Am I scared? Yes I am scared!! But God is good, and I am His, so things will be just fine. =)

Random musings

Ang is back!! At least for awhile. It's been so great getting to visit with her and hear about her "travels". In retrospect, all her questions about my plans for my oun life have really got me thinking. Also, it's got my heart breaking to tell you the truth because anyone who knows me, knows I would sell everything I own and board a plane today to go on the field.


On a differrent note, I am sick....really sick. I've put off going to the doctor much to my mom and aunt's discouragement for nearly a month praying it would get better, but it hasn't..it's gotten worse.

Again I am probably going to put off the doctor until I can't tell them no anymore, but I would really just rather God heal me than have to go.


Until next time......

Sleep, what a concept......

So I don't really know what sleep is anymore. Not that I don't want to, cause my body is screaming for sleep right now. =) I tell you, this is one of my final semesters before I finally start nursing school and it is killing me!! I've never been one whose grades come easily, but I've always worked really hard and gotten good grades. It seems that no matter how hard I work, my grades are slipping. I actually had been pretty hard on myself about it, but I have a great support group. My Momma keeps reminding me of how different things are this semester. How much more I have taken on, especially at church and with the young girls in my life. It's only natural my grades wouldn't come as easily right??

Why is it then, that I feel so downright incapable? I get so stressed out because of it. I am running myself down....not just with school, but the full time job and several hours a week of church related things. I can't really complain. I am so very blessed to be where I am and doing what I am. 10 years ago, I couldn't tell you where I would be. Possibly not even here anymore. That's a pretty scary thing when you stop to look at it.

So even though I feel like I am going crazy sometimes, I have to stop and thank God for the many blessings in my life....it wasn't that long ago that I was on the bottom looking up not sure where relief would come from.

Now I am on stable ground look forward to what lies ahead....grateful for the trust God has placed in me to affect another human soul.