Recent Updates

I just put my Momma on a plane to Zimbabwe. I am not sure about this for plenty of reasons.

1. It is not exactly safe there right now, however I know God is good and this is His will so things are going to be just fine.

2. I'm supposed to be boarding that plane too. This spring I was also on the speaker list for this conference. Due to all the political turmoil, it just isn't safe or even possible for too many people to go. It's just not possible.

So, I am sitting here and for some crazy reason, I feel like my heart is breaking. Part of me is jealous, but not like you think. I want to be going, sure, but I also know great things are going to happen in this conference and for that I am so grateful.

But I am anxious and it made me think.

Sometimes we get so caught up in everything that is going on around us that we fail to see the big picture. We want everything NOW. We want to know when and where everything in life is going to happen and sometimes, that's just not the way God works. Sometimes, its in the waiting that we learn how to trust in Him.

Lately my world has been turned upside down and I have been finding it hard to trust....again. I have found though that to trust in Him, you'll never be let down. People are going to make mistakes, and sometimes those who you thought would always be there just aren't...but He is always there. He'll always remain and for that we can be truly thankful.

Thankful

Momma and us girls

Momma, Mom Allen, and us girls

Above are the newest family pictures

So its here again...Thanksgiving. Tomorrow will be a blur of action. Cooking, visiting with family, and friends. I thought now would be the best time to stop and reflect on just how blessed I am.

In these uncertain times so many people this year will go hungry...some are sitting in prisons, in foster homes, in orphanages. I am so very thankful for so many things.

1. My God. How can I ever be thankful enough. Without Him, I would never be what I am today.
2. My family. I am adopted into the greatest family ever!! Several years ago, I would have sat at home because I didn't have a family to celebrate with, but now...I am in the most loving, dedicated, beautiful family I could ever have hoped for.
3. My adopted mom, who took me when no one else wanted me. Pain and all, and help push me in the right direction. Who raised a "heathen teenager" that she surely would have been justified in walking away from. But she didn't. As a matter of fact...she loved me even more, and for that I am eternally thankful!!

Hope your Thanksgiving in warm, and full of love...and of course....TURKEY!!!!

New musings

Me and Aunt Lyn before the Foreign Missions Service

me, Aunt lyn, and Matt

Momma, Myra, Kevin, Matt, Me, and Aunt Lyn all waiting for Foreign Missions Service

So its been over three weeks since General Conference and time has all but flown by. Saw a couple of friends from Africa. Matt who I hadn't seen since the trip and Emily who I have seen some. Stirred up some old feelings...brought smiles to a lot of faces. Timo got healed!!! It was the most amazing feeling to watch it cross his face from the platform. Even better to watch him dance with his parents.

Now I am gearing up for the 7 Essentials of Kids Prayer Seminar. Well technically, I am not gearing up. I am "#1 Volunteer" so I am gearing up to do whatever is needed to make the ones in front breathe a little easier. Hey, I love being the one everyone can count on to do anything. Sometimes I wonder if that's all I am going to ever be good at. But, my ministry has always been helps, and if God can trust you with the little things, He'll soon trust you with the big things.

On a less contemplative note, Sister Vicki comes in town tomorrow afternoon!!! I love her!! She's in for the conference, but I am so glad she was able to come.

For now it seems I am at a crossroads: The door is open in Jordan....and I really feel God leading me to learn all I can and spend a term there. On the other side, it seems the door to go with the Simoneaux's is opening sooner than I thought, and that is truly my heartbeat...oh, what to do?

Lord, I know your hand is on my life because I feel it everyday. Sometimes in a word, or the hand of a friend, but regaurdless of how, I know you are there. I am in a bind and I don't know where it is you are leading me, but I want to be in your perfect will. I don't want to step out of the plan you have for me. So please guide my steps now and close the door to where you don't want me to be. Whatever it is, I'll do it, just please be my guiding hand.

God's Mysterious Ways

Last night my world changed. We had the Reed's Missionaries to the Middle East as our speakers at church. I love missionary services regaurdless of where the missionaries are from. I've never doubted God has called me to Africa, and I still don't. However, God opened up a door for me last night I never would have imagined He would.

Something happened to me through service last night. It felt like my very soul was breaking. I have always had a burden for muslims as well as children and orphans....and not too many people knew that. I found myself with tears pouring down my face crying out to God all through service. What on Earth?? I couldn't really figure it out. The Middle East God? Really? Surely you must be mistaken, you've called me to Africa.

"you said you'd go if I opened the door"

So after service I was so confused, didn't have a clue what to do or what to make of it. My Aunt without knowing what had happened asked if I had gone and talked to Sister Reed. That in itself is out of character for her. So I did, and tears were pouring down my face as she told me she knew service was running long because there was a young person being called...that she was waiting for me to come. WOW!!! Then she told me about what I'd be able to do as a woman in a muslim country.

I found my mom, told her what had happened, cried a lot more, and just let her reassure me, without missing a beat she said "Alright, Jordan? I'll buy your ticket" just like that...another confirmation.....my mom was on board. I can always count of her to be intune to God for things in my life. She's never spoken something into my life that didn't come to pass. She kept me from freaking out at that very moment. Believe me, I almost did, it was overwhelming!

So that was my Sunday night. I've updated my AIM status, and changed my appointment to Jordan. Talked with Sister Reed about my options, and spent the evening looking up things on Jordan. Throughout today I still find my self thinking.....the Middle East?? Really God, are you sure? HE has to know what He's doing though, so again, I'm going to jump.

Am I scared? Yes I am scared!! But God is good, and I am His, so things will be just fine. =)

Random musings

Ang is back!! At least for awhile. It's been so great getting to visit with her and hear about her "travels". In retrospect, all her questions about my plans for my oun life have really got me thinking. Also, it's got my heart breaking to tell you the truth because anyone who knows me, knows I would sell everything I own and board a plane today to go on the field.


On a differrent note, I am sick....really sick. I've put off going to the doctor much to my mom and aunt's discouragement for nearly a month praying it would get better, but it hasn't..it's gotten worse.

Again I am probably going to put off the doctor until I can't tell them no anymore, but I would really just rather God heal me than have to go.


Until next time......

Sleep, what a concept......

So I don't really know what sleep is anymore. Not that I don't want to, cause my body is screaming for sleep right now. =) I tell you, this is one of my final semesters before I finally start nursing school and it is killing me!! I've never been one whose grades come easily, but I've always worked really hard and gotten good grades. It seems that no matter how hard I work, my grades are slipping. I actually had been pretty hard on myself about it, but I have a great support group. My Momma keeps reminding me of how different things are this semester. How much more I have taken on, especially at church and with the young girls in my life. It's only natural my grades wouldn't come as easily right??

Why is it then, that I feel so downright incapable? I get so stressed out because of it. I am running myself down....not just with school, but the full time job and several hours a week of church related things. I can't really complain. I am so very blessed to be where I am and doing what I am. 10 years ago, I couldn't tell you where I would be. Possibly not even here anymore. That's a pretty scary thing when you stop to look at it.

So even though I feel like I am going crazy sometimes, I have to stop and thank God for the many blessings in my life....it wasn't that long ago that I was on the bottom looking up not sure where relief would come from.

Now I am on stable ground look forward to what lies ahead....grateful for the trust God has placed in me to affect another human soul.

Just another one of those times

It's nearing General Conference again, school is keeping me stressed, and busy, and I've taken on more responsibility at church...jumped into more children's ministry.

In the midst of all of this, God is speaking to me. Not just keeping on the right track speaking, but actually revealing things about my future. I feel Him drawing me nearer each day.

I am happy, but not content, focused but not patient and I think for most people, I am pretty annoying=)

Truth is, I am trying to be patient, I am. Every where I turn there is another reminder that I am not made to be here in the states...that my future is for Africa. Every time I look into the eyes of our bus kids, I see Africa. Everytime I hug one of my girls, I feel Africa. Everytime I struggle through my Anatomy class I am reminded, it's all for Africa, each time I read the reaching Africa's children blog, my heart breaks a little more. This is all just preparation for what's coming. For just a moment, I am okay again....I can do this, I can push on.

I was just talking today to my Aunt Lyn who is also struggling with this, only her heartbeat is Eastern Europe/Russia. I was thinking out loud really, but it dawned on me that I am surrounded by a group of friends who are missionaries, or have been missionaries, or who are preparing to be missionaries and they whole heartedly understand what I am going through. Some missionaries struggle with these feelings alone. They don't have the support group that I have.

Truly I am blessed. So I'll be patient, as best as I can, and I'll trust God because one day, I'll go back, and one day, it'll be right, and one day........these feelings will all seem like they are miles away.