God's Mysterious Ways

Last night my world changed. We had the Reed's Missionaries to the Middle East as our speakers at church. I love missionary services regaurdless of where the missionaries are from. I've never doubted God has called me to Africa, and I still don't. However, God opened up a door for me last night I never would have imagined He would.

Something happened to me through service last night. It felt like my very soul was breaking. I have always had a burden for muslims as well as children and orphans....and not too many people knew that. I found myself with tears pouring down my face crying out to God all through service. What on Earth?? I couldn't really figure it out. The Middle East God? Really? Surely you must be mistaken, you've called me to Africa.

"you said you'd go if I opened the door"

So after service I was so confused, didn't have a clue what to do or what to make of it. My Aunt without knowing what had happened asked if I had gone and talked to Sister Reed. That in itself is out of character for her. So I did, and tears were pouring down my face as she told me she knew service was running long because there was a young person being called...that she was waiting for me to come. WOW!!! Then she told me about what I'd be able to do as a woman in a muslim country.

I found my mom, told her what had happened, cried a lot more, and just let her reassure me, without missing a beat she said "Alright, Jordan? I'll buy your ticket" just like that...another confirmation.....my mom was on board. I can always count of her to be intune to God for things in my life. She's never spoken something into my life that didn't come to pass. She kept me from freaking out at that very moment. Believe me, I almost did, it was overwhelming!

So that was my Sunday night. I've updated my AIM status, and changed my appointment to Jordan. Talked with Sister Reed about my options, and spent the evening looking up things on Jordan. Throughout today I still find my self thinking.....the Middle East?? Really God, are you sure? HE has to know what He's doing though, so again, I'm going to jump.

Am I scared? Yes I am scared!! But God is good, and I am His, so things will be just fine. =)

Random musings

Ang is back!! At least for awhile. It's been so great getting to visit with her and hear about her "travels". In retrospect, all her questions about my plans for my oun life have really got me thinking. Also, it's got my heart breaking to tell you the truth because anyone who knows me, knows I would sell everything I own and board a plane today to go on the field.


On a differrent note, I am sick....really sick. I've put off going to the doctor much to my mom and aunt's discouragement for nearly a month praying it would get better, but it hasn't..it's gotten worse.

Again I am probably going to put off the doctor until I can't tell them no anymore, but I would really just rather God heal me than have to go.


Until next time......

Sleep, what a concept......

So I don't really know what sleep is anymore. Not that I don't want to, cause my body is screaming for sleep right now. =) I tell you, this is one of my final semesters before I finally start nursing school and it is killing me!! I've never been one whose grades come easily, but I've always worked really hard and gotten good grades. It seems that no matter how hard I work, my grades are slipping. I actually had been pretty hard on myself about it, but I have a great support group. My Momma keeps reminding me of how different things are this semester. How much more I have taken on, especially at church and with the young girls in my life. It's only natural my grades wouldn't come as easily right??

Why is it then, that I feel so downright incapable? I get so stressed out because of it. I am running myself down....not just with school, but the full time job and several hours a week of church related things. I can't really complain. I am so very blessed to be where I am and doing what I am. 10 years ago, I couldn't tell you where I would be. Possibly not even here anymore. That's a pretty scary thing when you stop to look at it.

So even though I feel like I am going crazy sometimes, I have to stop and thank God for the many blessings in my life....it wasn't that long ago that I was on the bottom looking up not sure where relief would come from.

Now I am on stable ground look forward to what lies ahead....grateful for the trust God has placed in me to affect another human soul.

Just another one of those times

It's nearing General Conference again, school is keeping me stressed, and busy, and I've taken on more responsibility at church...jumped into more children's ministry.

In the midst of all of this, God is speaking to me. Not just keeping on the right track speaking, but actually revealing things about my future. I feel Him drawing me nearer each day.

I am happy, but not content, focused but not patient and I think for most people, I am pretty annoying=)

Truth is, I am trying to be patient, I am. Every where I turn there is another reminder that I am not made to be here in the states...that my future is for Africa. Every time I look into the eyes of our bus kids, I see Africa. Everytime I hug one of my girls, I feel Africa. Everytime I struggle through my Anatomy class I am reminded, it's all for Africa, each time I read the reaching Africa's children blog, my heart breaks a little more. This is all just preparation for what's coming. For just a moment, I am okay again....I can do this, I can push on.

I was just talking today to my Aunt Lyn who is also struggling with this, only her heartbeat is Eastern Europe/Russia. I was thinking out loud really, but it dawned on me that I am surrounded by a group of friends who are missionaries, or have been missionaries, or who are preparing to be missionaries and they whole heartedly understand what I am going through. Some missionaries struggle with these feelings alone. They don't have the support group that I have.

Truly I am blessed. So I'll be patient, as best as I can, and I'll trust God because one day, I'll go back, and one day, it'll be right, and one day........these feelings will all seem like they are miles away.

Confusion then realization

Have you ever had one of those defining moments where one of your biggest fears is finally relieved and you feel as though a big weight has been lifted?

That happened to me today..in one 45 minute phone call, one of my biggest fears was taken far away, and I realized that I am wanted here. All of those battle scars that I hadn't allowed to heal, that I had been using to excuse my behavior, had slowly been closing and healing and now, they are done.

They won't hurt anymore, only serve to remind me where I came from, what God has pulled me from, and more importantly where He has me now. I don't have to worry about where on earth I would go, or who to turn to when I just need my family. I used to, but I don't. The person I know as momma, has always been there, just waiting for me to understand...she's not going anywhere, no matter what my biological family did in the past. I just had to get that for myself.

God really does, know the desires of our hearts, and as long as we are walking with Him, He'll give us what we need and long for.

Home and Family

Yesterday I stepped off a plane at the Birmingham Airport...home at last!! It's amazing to me how at home I feel here. After years of searching for something to fill the void of losing my biological family, I've always found peace here. I am adopted as many of you know, and that began such a time of healing in my life. To know that someone "wants" for you to be family in the midst of all the turmoil, in spite of all the pain you carry. It's crazy to have people who don't know much about me open their arms and welcome me in. It took many years for me to accept that they were not the same as my biological family...they wouldn't leave just because they could, but they have stayed through the worst and the best....we stick together and that is something to be grateful for.

So as we pulled into the driveway...I ran open armed into the arms of family that will always love me, that will always be there....and that....is my saving grace.

AHHHH!!

So this morning Mum Poitras came and taught my Sunday school class. We had so much fun!! First, we went outside to "have sunday school like we were in Africa" she taught a little on how it would be there. Then we went back and sang a song, complete with congo line!! We danced, some of the kids really got into it. Bro. Bachelor was dancing with his hankie and everything. It brought back some really awesome memories.

I had a lot of fun!! Well that's all for now...enjoy the pictures!!