Recent Updates

I just put my Momma on a plane to Zimbabwe. I am not sure about this for plenty of reasons.

1. It is not exactly safe there right now, however I know God is good and this is His will so things are going to be just fine.

2. I'm supposed to be boarding that plane too. This spring I was also on the speaker list for this conference. Due to all the political turmoil, it just isn't safe or even possible for too many people to go. It's just not possible.

So, I am sitting here and for some crazy reason, I feel like my heart is breaking. Part of me is jealous, but not like you think. I want to be going, sure, but I also know great things are going to happen in this conference and for that I am so grateful.

But I am anxious and it made me think.

Sometimes we get so caught up in everything that is going on around us that we fail to see the big picture. We want everything NOW. We want to know when and where everything in life is going to happen and sometimes, that's just not the way God works. Sometimes, its in the waiting that we learn how to trust in Him.

Lately my world has been turned upside down and I have been finding it hard to trust....again. I have found though that to trust in Him, you'll never be let down. People are going to make mistakes, and sometimes those who you thought would always be there just aren't...but He is always there. He'll always remain and for that we can be truly thankful.

Thankful

Momma and us girls

Momma, Mom Allen, and us girls

Above are the newest family pictures

So its here again...Thanksgiving. Tomorrow will be a blur of action. Cooking, visiting with family, and friends. I thought now would be the best time to stop and reflect on just how blessed I am.

In these uncertain times so many people this year will go hungry...some are sitting in prisons, in foster homes, in orphanages. I am so very thankful for so many things.

1. My God. How can I ever be thankful enough. Without Him, I would never be what I am today.
2. My family. I am adopted into the greatest family ever!! Several years ago, I would have sat at home because I didn't have a family to celebrate with, but now...I am in the most loving, dedicated, beautiful family I could ever have hoped for.
3. My adopted mom, who took me when no one else wanted me. Pain and all, and help push me in the right direction. Who raised a "heathen teenager" that she surely would have been justified in walking away from. But she didn't. As a matter of fact...she loved me even more, and for that I am eternally thankful!!

Hope your Thanksgiving in warm, and full of love...and of course....TURKEY!!!!

New musings

Me and Aunt Lyn before the Foreign Missions Service

me, Aunt lyn, and Matt

Momma, Myra, Kevin, Matt, Me, and Aunt Lyn all waiting for Foreign Missions Service

So its been over three weeks since General Conference and time has all but flown by. Saw a couple of friends from Africa. Matt who I hadn't seen since the trip and Emily who I have seen some. Stirred up some old feelings...brought smiles to a lot of faces. Timo got healed!!! It was the most amazing feeling to watch it cross his face from the platform. Even better to watch him dance with his parents.

Now I am gearing up for the 7 Essentials of Kids Prayer Seminar. Well technically, I am not gearing up. I am "#1 Volunteer" so I am gearing up to do whatever is needed to make the ones in front breathe a little easier. Hey, I love being the one everyone can count on to do anything. Sometimes I wonder if that's all I am going to ever be good at. But, my ministry has always been helps, and if God can trust you with the little things, He'll soon trust you with the big things.

On a less contemplative note, Sister Vicki comes in town tomorrow afternoon!!! I love her!! She's in for the conference, but I am so glad she was able to come.

For now it seems I am at a crossroads: The door is open in Jordan....and I really feel God leading me to learn all I can and spend a term there. On the other side, it seems the door to go with the Simoneaux's is opening sooner than I thought, and that is truly my heartbeat...oh, what to do?

Lord, I know your hand is on my life because I feel it everyday. Sometimes in a word, or the hand of a friend, but regaurdless of how, I know you are there. I am in a bind and I don't know where it is you are leading me, but I want to be in your perfect will. I don't want to step out of the plan you have for me. So please guide my steps now and close the door to where you don't want me to be. Whatever it is, I'll do it, just please be my guiding hand.

God's Mysterious Ways

Last night my world changed. We had the Reed's Missionaries to the Middle East as our speakers at church. I love missionary services regaurdless of where the missionaries are from. I've never doubted God has called me to Africa, and I still don't. However, God opened up a door for me last night I never would have imagined He would.

Something happened to me through service last night. It felt like my very soul was breaking. I have always had a burden for muslims as well as children and orphans....and not too many people knew that. I found myself with tears pouring down my face crying out to God all through service. What on Earth?? I couldn't really figure it out. The Middle East God? Really? Surely you must be mistaken, you've called me to Africa.

"you said you'd go if I opened the door"

So after service I was so confused, didn't have a clue what to do or what to make of it. My Aunt without knowing what had happened asked if I had gone and talked to Sister Reed. That in itself is out of character for her. So I did, and tears were pouring down my face as she told me she knew service was running long because there was a young person being called...that she was waiting for me to come. WOW!!! Then she told me about what I'd be able to do as a woman in a muslim country.

I found my mom, told her what had happened, cried a lot more, and just let her reassure me, without missing a beat she said "Alright, Jordan? I'll buy your ticket" just like that...another confirmation.....my mom was on board. I can always count of her to be intune to God for things in my life. She's never spoken something into my life that didn't come to pass. She kept me from freaking out at that very moment. Believe me, I almost did, it was overwhelming!

So that was my Sunday night. I've updated my AIM status, and changed my appointment to Jordan. Talked with Sister Reed about my options, and spent the evening looking up things on Jordan. Throughout today I still find my self thinking.....the Middle East?? Really God, are you sure? HE has to know what He's doing though, so again, I'm going to jump.

Am I scared? Yes I am scared!! But God is good, and I am His, so things will be just fine. =)

Random musings

Ang is back!! At least for awhile. It's been so great getting to visit with her and hear about her "travels". In retrospect, all her questions about my plans for my oun life have really got me thinking. Also, it's got my heart breaking to tell you the truth because anyone who knows me, knows I would sell everything I own and board a plane today to go on the field.


On a differrent note, I am sick....really sick. I've put off going to the doctor much to my mom and aunt's discouragement for nearly a month praying it would get better, but it hasn't..it's gotten worse.

Again I am probably going to put off the doctor until I can't tell them no anymore, but I would really just rather God heal me than have to go.


Until next time......

Sleep, what a concept......

So I don't really know what sleep is anymore. Not that I don't want to, cause my body is screaming for sleep right now. =) I tell you, this is one of my final semesters before I finally start nursing school and it is killing me!! I've never been one whose grades come easily, but I've always worked really hard and gotten good grades. It seems that no matter how hard I work, my grades are slipping. I actually had been pretty hard on myself about it, but I have a great support group. My Momma keeps reminding me of how different things are this semester. How much more I have taken on, especially at church and with the young girls in my life. It's only natural my grades wouldn't come as easily right??

Why is it then, that I feel so downright incapable? I get so stressed out because of it. I am running myself down....not just with school, but the full time job and several hours a week of church related things. I can't really complain. I am so very blessed to be where I am and doing what I am. 10 years ago, I couldn't tell you where I would be. Possibly not even here anymore. That's a pretty scary thing when you stop to look at it.

So even though I feel like I am going crazy sometimes, I have to stop and thank God for the many blessings in my life....it wasn't that long ago that I was on the bottom looking up not sure where relief would come from.

Now I am on stable ground look forward to what lies ahead....grateful for the trust God has placed in me to affect another human soul.

Just another one of those times

It's nearing General Conference again, school is keeping me stressed, and busy, and I've taken on more responsibility at church...jumped into more children's ministry.

In the midst of all of this, God is speaking to me. Not just keeping on the right track speaking, but actually revealing things about my future. I feel Him drawing me nearer each day.

I am happy, but not content, focused but not patient and I think for most people, I am pretty annoying=)

Truth is, I am trying to be patient, I am. Every where I turn there is another reminder that I am not made to be here in the states...that my future is for Africa. Every time I look into the eyes of our bus kids, I see Africa. Everytime I hug one of my girls, I feel Africa. Everytime I struggle through my Anatomy class I am reminded, it's all for Africa, each time I read the reaching Africa's children blog, my heart breaks a little more. This is all just preparation for what's coming. For just a moment, I am okay again....I can do this, I can push on.

I was just talking today to my Aunt Lyn who is also struggling with this, only her heartbeat is Eastern Europe/Russia. I was thinking out loud really, but it dawned on me that I am surrounded by a group of friends who are missionaries, or have been missionaries, or who are preparing to be missionaries and they whole heartedly understand what I am going through. Some missionaries struggle with these feelings alone. They don't have the support group that I have.

Truly I am blessed. So I'll be patient, as best as I can, and I'll trust God because one day, I'll go back, and one day, it'll be right, and one day........these feelings will all seem like they are miles away.

Confusion then realization

Have you ever had one of those defining moments where one of your biggest fears is finally relieved and you feel as though a big weight has been lifted?

That happened to me today..in one 45 minute phone call, one of my biggest fears was taken far away, and I realized that I am wanted here. All of those battle scars that I hadn't allowed to heal, that I had been using to excuse my behavior, had slowly been closing and healing and now, they are done.

They won't hurt anymore, only serve to remind me where I came from, what God has pulled me from, and more importantly where He has me now. I don't have to worry about where on earth I would go, or who to turn to when I just need my family. I used to, but I don't. The person I know as momma, has always been there, just waiting for me to understand...she's not going anywhere, no matter what my biological family did in the past. I just had to get that for myself.

God really does, know the desires of our hearts, and as long as we are walking with Him, He'll give us what we need and long for.

Home and Family

Yesterday I stepped off a plane at the Birmingham Airport...home at last!! It's amazing to me how at home I feel here. After years of searching for something to fill the void of losing my biological family, I've always found peace here. I am adopted as many of you know, and that began such a time of healing in my life. To know that someone "wants" for you to be family in the midst of all the turmoil, in spite of all the pain you carry. It's crazy to have people who don't know much about me open their arms and welcome me in. It took many years for me to accept that they were not the same as my biological family...they wouldn't leave just because they could, but they have stayed through the worst and the best....we stick together and that is something to be grateful for.

So as we pulled into the driveway...I ran open armed into the arms of family that will always love me, that will always be there....and that....is my saving grace.

AHHHH!!

So this morning Mum Poitras came and taught my Sunday school class. We had so much fun!! First, we went outside to "have sunday school like we were in Africa" she taught a little on how it would be there. Then we went back and sang a song, complete with congo line!! We danced, some of the kids really got into it. Bro. Bachelor was dancing with his hankie and everything. It brought back some really awesome memories.

I had a lot of fun!! Well that's all for now...enjoy the pictures!!

Road Trip Pictures

me and aunt lyn outside the amish store

At the Museum

Too Funny!!

I see Amish People!!

Okay, today was absolutely amazing!! Aunt Lyn took me to an Amish town and we had a blast! I got a ton of pictures, and saw lots of things.

For those of you who don't know me very well, I am borderline obsessed with the Amish. I am not really sure what it is. Maybe it's the draw of a simplistic lifestyle, or maybe its just curiosity in general.

I bought so many things at the shops, including tons of homemade food. We went to an Amish Museum, and to the Raggedy Anne Museum too.

Aunt Lyn had kept the destination of our road trip a secret the entire time. It was so frustrating but well worth the wait in the long run. I nearly jumped out of my car when I saw the signs for the Amish things.......my aunt is awesome!!!

Pictures from our adventure coming soon!!

Bittersweet

So, last night I got to watch as Sister Poitras, Melinda and Candra walked down the terminal of the St. Louis Airport. Immediately, there were hugs all around, and you'd never know it had been a year since we'd seen each other. The evening was filled with talking and eating, and your random boy talk...more me than them. Sister Poitras brought me up to date on the happenings in Ghana since I've left, mostly good, but some bad.

I realized just how much I missed them. I was having the time of my life, but my heart was bleeding on the inside. I miss Africa, and the feeling of being right where I am supposed to be. Where I wasn't just Amberle, but I was useful. I was the intercessor, the teacher, the one all the kids wanted to sit on.

I miss my little African children. I miss the late nights in Tamale with the girls, up late talking and playing dutch blitz. I know Melinda is a little nervous, scared, for this new page in her life. I don't know what it would feel like to come to a place that technically is your home, but doesn't feel like it.

I realized how precious friends are. I also learned just how much last summer impacted my life.

Am I finally getting old?

Okay, here it is 1:06 pm my time. I am about to fall over. In two days I have probably gotten a days worth of sleep.

Friday night was the all night kids prayer meeting in Herrick, Il. It went quick!! We prayed for the homeless, our communities, Timo, Africa, many,many things. There was silly songs, worship, food, all the makings of an amazing prayer meeting.

Last night, some of our former Shekinah Kids came to Aunt Lyn's for a sleepover. Larissa, Tiffany, and Mikelle, needless to say, there was no sleep to be had...lol. Actually we all crashed about 7, then Aunt Lyn and I were wide awake and giggling at 930. Go figure...now I am ready to crash again, but it is nearly time to begin to take the girls home.

I am beginning to wonder if I am getting old.....

Random Thoughts

So I am sitting at my computer and drinking Milo (kristi you should appreciate that) and was thinking. Everyone has their list of what they enjoy right? So here I thought when am I most happy, what signifies just one of those "moments"?

1. Walking barefoot in the sand in that place where the ocean is ankle deep...yes, that is perfection.

2. When God wakes you up to pray and you are confused, but come to the point in prayer where there is that release....

3. The moment I stepped off the plane in Africa

4. Watching a movie where there is a "perfect" guy and laughing because they don't really exist, but then secretly holding out that God has one out there for me (and his heart belongs to Africa, and Kids Prayer)

5.Vegging on the couch with my Aunt or my mom.

6.the moments where you get the unexpected emails or texts from someone telling you they love you out of the blue.

7.Watching the Sound of Music (yes, I love that movie) and singing the songs at the top of your lungs.

8. When one of your kids from church who is all grown up comes to you for advice....that's precious.

9. Those "God" Moments where you are struggling and then He shows Himself in such a special way that you can't deny it's Him...then you feel His arms wrap around you and all is perfect for that period of time (yes my love language is Physical touch)

10.The realization that God is God no matter what. Even when life seems up in the air and nothing makes sense. He is still sovereign.

11. When someone says..."I'm not really scared anymore, but I am glad you were here...it made it easier" The realization you were needed and you made a difference.

Craziness!

Okay so it's only a few weeks until school starts back up, Friday night is our annual All night kids prayer meeting in Herrick Il., I am going on a road trip with my aunt in two weeks (so very excited about that), my roomate comes home from a missions trip tonight, and the world is spinning round and round and round...HA!

Sometimes there are just so many things going on I can't get above the water.

For those of you who read my blog and don't know: Timo Simoneaux (MK to Malawi/Mozambique/Zimbabwe has been airlifted to Joburg for treatment. He has been diagnosed with bacterial meningitis and is very critical.....please pray for him and his family.


That's all for now,

VBS, Work, and Life........

"An idle mind is a devil's workshop" okay so you can laugh if you want, but I just found out this is not in scripture.......however it applies.

I've been taught to stay as busy as possible in God's work, to avoid falling into temptation. This week has been, work, or volunteering, then VBS, then the night at my aunt's learning VBS motions, or just relaxing.

I'd say my hands have stayed busy. I am seeing as I get more involved in full time ministry, wether it be teaching in the 7th and 8th grade class at church, or stepping in to help with GLOW when the others aren't able to be there, has kept my mind more on things of God instead of troubles, or things of the world.

I have found I am growing in leaps and bounds, both in my confidence to do what God has called me to do and in knowledge of how to accomplish those things.

I'm seeing that my mom and Aunt were right all along. I am able, because God is able.

safety

So it's been nearly a week since my last post, and well, I am not really sure if anyone reads these anyway, but here it goes:

You know when you look back at things and it makes you smile? Well I am having one of those moments. I've spent nearly all my free time at my aunt's in the last well, month. I've decided it is a safe haven. I can be as silly as I want.....she doesn't care. I can be quiet...it's okay.....I can relax.....praise God!
So everyone has a past that gets to them sometimes....we are all human. Sometimes my past comes back to haunt me, and I have to look to God for the strength to overcome it one more time....who doesn't?

In the midst of the storm there has to be a safe place to go to that you can sort your feelings, and gain strength....I know where I can go....do you?

you know you are in africa when...part 2

You know you’re from Africa when……
42. it doesn’t seem right to pay the asking price on anything in a store. If you can’t barter for it, it’s not worth having.
43.you’d rather be barefoot
44. every toothpaste is colgate
45. every softdrink is coca cola or fanta
46.black outs are nothing new to you
47.four cars are driving parallel to each other on a one-lane road
48.you have an over whelming urge to wash all your salad in milton
49.Cramming 7 passangers in a 4 passenger taxi is really not a big deal
50.carry purell like it’s your life supply
51.you keep converting the value of things in your home currency when you see the dollar value
52.a plane flies by and you just cant help but look up
53. You have another name that you go by that isn't your american name (Akosia)


I really miss Africa!!! I can't believe I have been home over a year.....I can't wait to go back!

you know you're in Africa when:

Here's a list care of my next steps friend:

1. You get hit by a car
2. You get proposed to everyday
3. The power and water go out and daily life continues
4. Other white people ignore you
5. You can go 2 weeks without a hot shower and you are okay with that.
6. The generator broke but you are in the nicest hotel
7. You put 22 people in a 15 passenger trotro
8. You no longer have potholes but "car" holes
9. Babies cry because they've never seen a white person
10. You wake up to roosters crowing at 3AM
11. 50,000 isn't much
12.Your peanut butter is called ground nut paste
13. you sit down and children fight over who sits in your lap
14. It's no longer cats that hiss at you but humans
15. You can't tell the difference between rocks and toilet paper
16. You can watch 2 movies at once on the same screen
17. You iron your clothes to avoid bug infestation
18. The water you brush your teeth with causes diseases if swallowed
19. Your continental breakfast taste like communnion
20. You eat Nutella for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner
21. Fast Food is a sit down restaurant
22. "Whole" Fish includes tails, scales, and eyeballs
23. Time no longer exists
24. Missionaries are asked to wait outside for members to show up but are treated like royalty
25. Anytime you stop moving for one second you feel tiny, precious hands all over you.
26. People ask you for money because you're white
27. Worship is amzing, we even dance to give offering
28. 2 men hold hands and it's ok
29. Your clothes are in the kitchen cabinet
30. Your clothes line consists of a curling iron and straightener
31. You are the only one who notices naked people
32. You go to the bathroom in pairs so someone can hold the flashlight because you can't see
33. You can't understand your own language and sing the wrong song.
34. 80 degree weather is winter
35. You get charged for taking pictures outdoors
36. The conga line is ok in church
37. The keyboard player plays a different song than what you are singing
38. Farm animals no longer live on a farm but on the main roads and in the church.
39. DSL is the equivalent of Dial - Up
40. You drink Kool - Aid with clumps in it
41. But most of all, you know you are in Africa when you finally feel "At home"

Fourth of July!

Hmm, so this time last year I was in Africa. Before you think that all my blogs are going to be Africa, this one really isn't. It's fourth of July, and I am enjoying my day off work. My dog is crashed on the couch, and I am thinking about our military. My little sister has been in the airforce for a year now. My little brother is National Guard. I am so proud of them and very scared at the same time.

I think about all the families who are celebrating today while their loved ones are stationed over seas. We are so blessed that they go and pave the way for us to live this blessed life. As I think of this it makes me think of another battle being fought. The one that leads the way to eternity.

God has an army too, complete with officers and the like. He has His intercessors that are like snipers. We stand behind and send out darts with precission that only comes from being linked to the General. Then there is the infantry, the saints who go forth and fight the battle everyday in our words, our actions, our strength, and the commanding officers, the pastors and ministers who train us up to fight the battle with precision.

Hmmm.....being called is, well, hard.

So I am sitting here preparing to leave for Shekinah Kids'. For those of you who don't know, that is my church's kids prayer training class. I have been helping out off and on for a couple of years, but really got involved in the last year or so.

I love it! I love kids and I love prayer, how much greater can it get?

Here's the thing, I walk in my house and the first thing I see? (Other than my dog begging to go out) A flag of Ghana and my kente cloth on the wall. Step closer and there are pictures of services, friends, memories and most of all....African Children.

So here's the deal, I nearly melt down everytime I look at the wall...okay so I am definately a drama queen and I know this, but it is very nearly true. My heart aches for Africa.....I long to be there. I long to walk down the street and be mobbed by sellers trying to get me to buy things because I am white. I long to hold the kids in my arms and watch their faces light up as they realize Jesus loves them too, even though they are small. I long to watch as they dance to Father Abraham for the hundreth time, and smile so big when I sit down because of course now they can jump up in my lap.

I long to wake up to the sound of roosters, or the sound of rain drops on the window, not little raindrops, but drops like only Africa can make. Believe it or not, I even long to walk somewhere instead of getting in my car, or better yet, to sit under the stars and have church.....really loud!!

I look at all I have here, and the priveledges I enjoy. All that God has done in my life. I saw a friend...Sister Tandi a few weeks ago and all I could do was think of Africa.

I know I am supposed to be here, and I sort of have peace with that. I also know that I won't be here forever, that God is calling me back to this beautiful land. My heart breaks every morning I wake up and I am counting down.......counting down until the day I board the plane back to the land of my calling. I don't know exactly where, or when, but I know it will be.

One day I'll be back again. Back to all my beautiful African Children, and all their smiling faces. Lord give me the strength I need to be strong until that day.