Happy Mother's Day

In respects to most people, I have much more to be thankful for on this particular day. You see, I am adopted. Not only am I adopted, but I was adopted as a teenager. 

Let me start by saying, I was not an easy case. I was not serving God....I was a bus kid from a very broken, abusive home, and instead of running as far away from me as she could, this person held on tight and eventually became the momma I needed.

My momma is patient, kind, nurturing, wise, beautiful, and the most Godly woman I know. She was strict when I was younger, and helped give me boundaries when I wanted them least, but needed them most. She dealt with backlash, mistrust, and plain out hurtful words. I'm sure there were plenty of tears, and hurt on her part, but she remained. She held on tight with one hand on mine, and one hand on God's until I was strong enough to hold onto Him myself. 

She was the first person to tell me I'd was called to Africa (confirmation in my heart because I already knew) She was there the day I boarded the plane to go there for the first time. She was, is, and will remain my biggest supporter, my biggest fan. She makes me feel like I can do anything if I set my heart to it. 

So, even though it is a day late, I wanted to say how amazing Mother's Day really is for me. It's the day to celebrate the woman God has put in my life to be my momma. She chose me, even though she didn't have to, and she held on. In service yesterday one of the speakers said "Some of us don't have families in the church or at all for one reason or another, but God always knows, and supplies us with those to fill in that gap and usually they are closer to us than any blood relative could be"

I can attest to this first hand.

Just when the camel can't take another straw.....

"The Rescue" was intense. We were finally rescued after almost 24 hours. Chicago is still waiting. It's almost a week for them. We met at the courtyard outside the Edward Jones dome downtown. They put us into groups of 10 to 15 people, then we walked to the archgrounds (our army camp), through Keiner Plaza, holding onto a rope. The rope was to symbolize that the child soldiers are bound together. It was a chilling feeling to be honest. It's different when you are placed in a situation to kind of get a feel for what it must be like.....though our day was nothing like that of a child soldier. After we got to the arch we spent the day on the steps writing letters to congressmen, senators, the president, anyone we could think of trying to raise awareness and support for these children. As it got dark and 11pm rolled around, we walked to a concrete area across the street and laid out our mats to settle in for the night. I left at Midnight, a little later. I had been sick for a few weeks and that did me in. Let me tell you though, to lay out my mat and to be that upclose and personal with people I don't know (One girls head was on my legs and I was arm to arm with a boy in my group) was more than a little eye opening. This is what those child soldiers do everynight, this is what unabducted kids do to keep from being abducted.


So I look back over things in my life and I am starting to see a real change. I am stronger, and less insecure (though I definately have my moments). I am stepping into ministries I never thought I'd be involved in. It's only natural that I would face opposition. So while this week has been trying and I feel like I am breaking, maybe it isn't so bad to be broken. Isn't that what God really wants anyway? When we are broken, we are dependant on Him. Maybe that's been my problem. Maybe I have been trying to do so much for HIM, but not really taking the time I need to just "be" with HIM. I am losing my time with Him, and I really have decided,I don't like that.

Natalie Grant has a new song on the radio that I just love:
There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are
Broken and scarred
Lift up your heart
And be amazed, be changed
By a perfect God!!

So this week is only a test...its a time of reflection, and a time of breaking that maybe I have needed. The tears won't last forever, the pain will fade, and I will overcome. (Now if only my heart believed my logic.)

If you go to http://www.invisiblechildren.com/ you can view pics, and there are also some on my facebook page. The Website also has all the updates.....it also has ways to get involved.

Just one of those days

I have just decided that no matter what I do, someone is not going to be happy. I spend a lot of my time trying my best to make everyone around me happy. Problem is, I am miserable. I teach sunday School, Shekinah Kids, Kidsprayer, GLOW, work 50 hours a week,go to school 10 hours a week, then there is homework, and I am trying to write an article for ninety and nine, and you know, I am exhausted. In the midst of all of this,there are those who still find the need to tell me what I am not measuring up to. Why is that? Why is it that we can't live our lives based on God. I think that what I am doing is pleasing to HIM. What I do in my free time (however small that is)is also pleasing to HIM. I would never dream of doing anything that I thought would make HIM angry, or sad. I just want to please HIm. I want to fufill HIS purpose for my life. I thinkmaybewehavemissedthepoint. Sometimes we look to closely at other people's lives and fail to see our own lives.

So, I am going to pick myself up, dust off my knees, and move forward regaurdless of what anyone thinks, because in reality, what HE thinks is all that matters.

Alright already!

So, I've been told I need to blog again!! Hmmm, ever just go through a spell where there is nothing to say? I've always been told that's the best time not to talk, cause you tend to say things you shouldn't. (Especially me).

So what's new? Nothing really. I am gearing up for the summer. Next weekend I am going to the Rescue. You can go to http://www.invisiblechildren.com/ to read up on it,but in a nut shell....in 90 cities all over the world people are meeting at an "abduction" point. From there we will walk up to 3 miles to our next point of contact and wait to be "rescued". It is to symbolize the journey thousands of children in Africa take each day to sleep under hospitals and in verandas to keep from being abducted by the LRA (Rebel army) and being forced to fight in a war, that is older than they are. It's even older than some of their parents.

I'm a little nervous. I am also very excited! This is the chance to make a difference in a cause very closeto my heart. Go to the site,check it out, are you brave enough to do something?

He's still workin on me

Okay, yes, I realize it has been a long time since I blogged, but really, I just can't seem to find the words to say. At the beginning of January we had Dr. Geffers at our Church for the Northeast Missouri Regional Prayer Summit (I think that's what its called, perhaps we should shorten it?)

There are no other words except...WOW! I missed some of the services because I am blessed to work with the kids. That in itself was an experience. I was much more involved than I have been in the past (see prior blog) However, on Sunday God spoke directly to me. I have heard so many in the church say the same thing, but I can't figure out how He could be talking so clearly to me and to all the others at the exact same time. That blows my mind!

All of this didn't just start at Prayer Summit. Something is stirring in my church and I am just sitting in anticipation of what comes next. I sat last night talking to my momma and was frustrated because I couldn't form the words that I wanted to be able to explain what God has been showing me, how He's been transforming me, and healing me of all those hurts that I'd buried and told myself were finished.

God just has a way of gently nudging you and saying, "Hey, you know, maybe you should work on that some more. It's still there." I am learning that more seems to happen in my prayer time when I shut my mouth and just listen. We started a Bible Study at church after our weekly prayer meetings. We have been reading a book called "secrets of the secret place" by Bob Sorge. OMW!! It is life changing!! I was reading a couple of weeks ago and that week's reading talked about how God is waiting for us in our secret place. He's there the minute we have set up that place, be it a closet, our bedroom, wherever, He's there from the moment it becomes a reality. We don't kneel down and wait for Him to show up...He's just there. However, when we don't take the time to show up...we are standing Him up!! He's there, all the time, waiting on us. How mind blowing is that??? I mean really? There are 6.1 Billion People in this world and God is waiting for ME to meet in my secret place with Him? How, if you realize that can you not desire to meet with Him? its unreal.....

Another thing that convicted me, and I am sure I will mess this up, but momma was telling me last night.....a lot of times we think we have to be "disciplined" to pray, to read our Bible, to spend time with Him. Now how would you feel if your kids or best friend or anyone, felt they had to be "diciplined" before they could spend time with you? So I messed up the eloquent way she has with words and exlaining, but that was the gist of it. It convicted me!!! Why do I need discipline to speak with my Father? The Father who is waiting on me to show up and be with Him, the Father who is waiting to wrap His arms around me and soothe away the pain and hurts of my life. The very Father who robed Himself in flesh and came down to die for the sins I so easily committed.

Again...WOW!!! That is the only word I can think of....and its not nearly close to how I am feeling. God is taking us to a new level of communion, a new level of consecration, a new level of relationship with Him. Let's go....He's waiting for us to jump.

Wow!!

Strongholds ready to be broken

Teaching about the Armor of God

Worship "the crazy song"

Okay, this weekend was just amazing!! It has been our North Eastern Regional Prayer Summit. I was blessed to be able to teach again this year. Last year it was a small lesson, but this year God opened the door for me to be really involved. I was so nervous, but God worked it all out. I had a blast with my kids. I really just love the worship songs.......kids ministry is great!!

We learned to pray on our armor, all about our spiritual gifts, rewards from God, and Faith. we also learned that no matter how small we are, we can break down walls and strongholds.

This morning's service was about consecration. Dr. Geffers did an absolutely amazing job, and God really moved!! I couldn't wait until tonight to see what would happend next. Well, I was not disappointed!! God moved from the first minute on. Dr. Geffers preached about friends and foes. You really had to be there, but it was amazing.

After praying at the altar I was sitting just kind of in awe of God, and I heard little voices crying out. I followed the noise and what did I find, but two of my kids 9 years, and I believe the other is 11. They were leaning against a wall trevailing. Times like this make all the rough moments all worthwhile. This is what kids ministry is about, this is why we do it. I sat for over 30 minutes listening to them trevail in the Spirit and can't help but be in awe of the awesomeness of God! He knows all. I am greatful for this amazing weekend.

Recent Updates

I just put my Momma on a plane to Zimbabwe. I am not sure about this for plenty of reasons.

1. It is not exactly safe there right now, however I know God is good and this is His will so things are going to be just fine.

2. I'm supposed to be boarding that plane too. This spring I was also on the speaker list for this conference. Due to all the political turmoil, it just isn't safe or even possible for too many people to go. It's just not possible.

So, I am sitting here and for some crazy reason, I feel like my heart is breaking. Part of me is jealous, but not like you think. I want to be going, sure, but I also know great things are going to happen in this conference and for that I am so grateful.

But I am anxious and it made me think.

Sometimes we get so caught up in everything that is going on around us that we fail to see the big picture. We want everything NOW. We want to know when and where everything in life is going to happen and sometimes, that's just not the way God works. Sometimes, its in the waiting that we learn how to trust in Him.

Lately my world has been turned upside down and I have been finding it hard to trust....again. I have found though that to trust in Him, you'll never be let down. People are going to make mistakes, and sometimes those who you thought would always be there just aren't...but He is always there. He'll always remain and for that we can be truly thankful.